I went home “early” after the first yoga session. I bugged Alicia to help me to reproduce the smoky look that had done me so when at the company mixer. What I really needed was a version for dummies. She did it on me trying to simplify it.  It still looked good, but was far too complicated for me—at least on a daily basis. I wasn’t going to get up an hour early to do make up, even if I could remember how. I mean I was already running on 6 hours of sleep.

We scrubbed my face a couple of times before I asked her to write it down in point form. I then practiced just the steps, not her artistry. I was never the big into make up when I was in college. I had probably learned more since starting this job than I had in the rest of my life. Fifteen minutes and dodgy results. Dodgy? I have spent too much time around Jemma.

I spent two hours watching more YouTube videos and scratching and changing Alicia’s notes. Alicia had already fallen asleep to Netflix. This new hybrid wasn’t as good as my roommate’s professional work. But now I could het something similar in a more reasonable time. 80% of the results for about 25% of the effort. And it had only cost me half my sleep.

The next day I grabbed a simple black stretchy dress and the pair of Louboutins that I had still forgotten to return to work. I put my hair in a simple bun, also from a YouTube tutorial, and did my 10 minute Smoky make up variant. I ran past my roommate on my way out, who approved of my improvisation of her handiwork. She also asked if I was seeing anyone. I ran out the door rather than try to answer a problematic, but restful question.

I realized I was getting better at running across the lobby in crazy heels. It wasn’t a skill I had set out to master, but there I was rapidly clacking across a marble floor. Few people came in as early as I did. The few familiar people in the escalator certainly recognized me, but did double or triple takes.

I strode through the office waving at Wendy the receptionist, who almost didn’t recognize me. She liked everything and blew me kisses. She’s a crazy girl, I need to get her something for the help she’s given me. On the way to my shared office I caught my reflection. I was very well put together if I do say so myself. It was super simple, but well thought out and well executed. I really looked like I belonged here among the beautiful people. Also, I should buy a full length mirror for the apartment.

As usual Jemma had beaten me into the office. She had placed steaming hot coffee on my desk, so she hadn’t beaten me by much. And then I knew I had done good, I got a double take from her before sitting down. I know she was about to ask me what I needed before she realized it was me. This put her into an ecstatic mood. She love, love, loved the total package. And while she was raving how I finally nailed a look, I kind of felt a bot odd. “Nailed a look.” That was probably true. I put together something that no matter how simple was a blend of who I am and who I work for.

It was this assimilation that weirded me out. It’s not that I was becoming a pod person or part of the Borg, but that I had found a comfortable intersection of two vastly different things.  Six months ago I would have made fun of girls like how I showed up today, hair and make up, dress and heels. But here I was today and not just fine with it, but thinking I was exactly where I needed to be.

Of course Jemma had an alternate hypothesis—Todd. I could argue something along the lines of self-empowerment and dressing for myself, but there was a grain of truth to her accusation. It didn’t invalidate my metamorphosis, but it wasn’t entirely untrue either. The rest of the day I worked my ass off as Jemma continued to tease me. Her particular vector often involved querying as to the state of my underwear and whether that related to yoga, by which she meant Todd.

During a meeting with Christine, our boss, I came to realize something. That was after Ms. Banker commented how good I looked today. I took that as a personal victory. Yay me! Even her business partner popped her head in and positively commented on my look—and the shoes. Crap! Oh yah, my realization. While Jemma and I had split the work, I noticed now our boss was splitting the work a bit different now. Jemma handled mostly administration. It had learned from her and just as I was getting confident with it, Christine had started dumping more work on us. Jemma continued all the admin stuff and some of the things I had been helping her with were coming back to her.

My plate was being filled with work that was less administrative. I was doing less of Jemma’s work and more of my bosses. I wasn’t typing or booking or making reports. Now I was writing reports with some decision-making. I was no longer just compiling and making things pretty, I was doing analysis and subtlety making decisions.

When Jemma went to go grab something across the street I went and asked my boss about this new division. She didn’t deny it. She thought I could handle it, then asked me if I could. I replied in the affirmative. And then she dismissed me to go do the things she entrusted me to do. On one hand I felt a bit bad for Jemma. She had been doing this job for some time and in I came and a few weeks later I’m doing part of my boss’ job. On the other, I was apparently impressing the right people with my business skills. I think I should ask for a raise.

I worked to my usual 7-ish a thirty something. I went home, had some of Alicia’s Chinese take out leftovers before having a bath and a glass of wine. I dared to dream that I might get my own office and have my own business cards. ALEXA GARBER, Something Something Manager. An nice subtle colouring, tasteful thickness, and maybe even a watermark.

And Todd, what about Todd? I should take it slow. I really wasn’t up to speed on modern romance. I wasn’t up to speed on any kind of romance. But I didn’t want to repeat my embarrassing mistake with Enrique. I also didn’t want to take it slow with Todd. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

The next morning I praised all the major deities that I had indeed washed my yoga stuff. I was the one who texted Jemma to remember to bring her kit. Damn you Jemma! Your strange vocabulary is sneaking into mine. I was a bit more confident with my face painting seeing as it went over well. I did the bun again—because falling asleep with wet hair. I packed my gear and make up, choosing a similar dress to the one I wore before. Gears were turning in my head because of an article Amber had sent me about Minimalist and the Project 333 wardrobe. I imaged a closet with like a bazillion of the same identical stretchy black dresses. Zero brain cycles to choose what you wear every morning. Actually that sounded very smart.

Jemma was very quiet in the morning. It seems that and her reluctance to go to yoga both stemmed with her losing a battle with a half bottle of distilled alcohol. It would have been tempting to have some funny, but I was a bigger person, most of the day. As lunch approached she tried to bail on yoga. I told her we made a commitment and she shouldn’t quit after one session and…she called me on being scared to go alone to yoga with—Todd.

Ironically, after some more teasing, she only agreed to go to see if he was there. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Probably not go to yoga of starters. When we got to the studio floor, I didn’t see him. Maybe he wasn’t going to come. Then I could just enjoy the yoga. Maybe I should have called or texted him. Ya, that wasn’t going to happen.

We got changed quickly and went back to the same room as the day before. Still no Todd. We were actually there before the class started and could choose any where we wanted, except the front row which was already full of hardcore girls. We of course choose the back of the room. I was pretty sure Jemma was going to chill the whole time if she didn’t fall asleep. Even she joked to poke her if she started to snore. The class filled up and still no Todd. Class started and I felt a bit dejected.

Then a straggler came in. Not Todd, but a heavier woman who took one look at the stick figures in the class and bailed. That made me sad. I tried to make everyone welcome at my humble courses back in college.

“You’re so adorable”, Jemma said having watched me. “If he doesn’t show up he doesn’t deserve you.” With that compliment, the first in a long time to comment on me rather than my looks, we both got into the session. Jemma was both better and worse than her first time. I wonder why she drank so much? I, basically was making up for lost time—and trying to forget about Todd. I had a great work out and Jemma was actually getting the hand of the poses. I was now faced with the idea of showering and going back with a Todd sized hole in my heart.

We hit the showers and didn’t talk. Each of us knew the other’s reasons for the quiet shower. I quickly dried off and got dressed, with full underwear today, thank you. I excel at adulting some times. Jemma struggled. Late nigh drinking and then yoga in a sauna, it wasn’t pretty. I mean she still was, but she was totally knackered. Again with the Jemma-isms! I was about to tease her about going commando, but then thought the better of it.

Clad in stretchy dress number two of the day, my hair in a damp ponytail, and my fresh new school make up I was ready to put on a brave face and walk back to work. Walking out by the front desk he appeared from the fronted front door. He was searching for something, someone, me?

“Alex”, yup me! “Sorry, I couldn’t get away from this meeting in time.” I listened to him apologize for nothing. He was dressed in a suit, no intention of making the class. But he had run here, I could hear it in his speech. I had never had a boy run to meet me. It was exhilarating.

Jemma excused herself with a fake phone call. I’d seen her do it in the office to stop talking with people she no longer wanted to. Thanks Jemma for your support. Todd had a way to make sure we knew if the other would be at yoga or not. It only required my unlocked phone. He was typing furiously and then I wondered if I had anything incriminating on my phone. Like the 50 million selfies I’d take to see things I didn’t trust in the mirror, and then deleted two weeks later. I was getting a bit worried that this totally handsome stranger might decide to look at my open browser windows or even worse my search history—or worse find my Snapchats.

My down-payment on a heart attack was interrupted with his phone beeping, or more like booping. He handed me back my phone, skeletons still in their closets. I had apparently sent him a text. A text that read, “This is an important message from an incredibly beautiful girl.” He had conveniently added himself to my contacts; his cell number, his office number and a Gmail email account. Now I could get hold of him, but what ever for Todd.

He looked at his watch and seemed to panic. He again apologized for missing the class and kissed me on the cheek, less Continental, more like he was working his way down to my lips. “Call me after work” he said almost halfway out the door. “We can do dinner.” Then he disappeared behind the closing frosted glass.

What had just happened? It was while contemplating that that Jemma stuck her head back in. “Lunch is over, Alex!” And with that I was running for the door.

“Well what did he say?”

I held up my phone and showed her the text to himself.

“OMG! Look at you, the new hot heartbreaker.”

I wasn’t sure if she was teasing or congratulating me. Damn her Englishness!

“So, what’s the next step…with very handsome Todd?” She was as giddy on the outside as I was on the inside.

“He’s asked me to dinner, tonight.”

“Holy $#!+”, she was surprised and happy—haprised. “You are going to go, right?”

I wanted to go, but I wasn’t sure I could call him.

“Text him half and hour before you leave. You won’t call him.” I really hope she can’t read my mind, that could get awkward fast. “Are you wearing your lucky underwear?” Now I knew she was razzing me. “Or did you leave them at the last hot boy’s place.” If she could read my mind she must have known I wanted to kill her right in the elevator. “Or maybe your lucky knickers is no knickers.” I appreciated the poke even less that accompanied the barb. But at least I was balled up in the corner from embarrassment. I even cracked a small grin, that was only 75% embarrassment.

The rest of the day I really threw myself into my work. But at one point I did start wondering about my underwear choice for the day. That was very unlike me. I mean it’s totally like me to worry, but not about a first date. Wait, was it a date even? Then the little seed Jemma had planted started to grow. But instead of my cheeks blushing I was finding it hard to focus on my work for other reasons.

I’d be punching numbers into my spreadsheet and a vision of Todd in his little shorts and tank top popped into my head. I shifted in my seat then tried to plug the numbers into a report only to remember the tight shirt showing off his already toned body. Why was he going to yoga again? He seemed more like a Crossfit kind of guy. Crossfit guy, what? I had met him twice and the only thing I could be certain of was that he thought I was beautiful and that he wanted to have dinner with me, tonight.

I thought of calling, no texting him, and then meeting for dinner and maybe a few drinks and then… DAMN it Jemma! I thought about what underwear I was wearing. Slow it down Alex! It would be the third time you’ve met this guy. I consoled myself with the idea of not going home with people on the third meeting. It worked for all of two seconds until I saw Enrique walk by. OMG Alex! I am totally the kind of girl who should be worried about what underwear I’m wearing on a first date or third meeting of a totally hot stud.

Sidenote: Enrique came back and peered in to our office. I ducked my head behind my computer monitor while Jemma said, “Hello Enrique. Can I help you, get OUT of my office?” I peeked up only to see him look at her than then at me. He had a look on his face. It would best be described as Cheshire cat. It was worrisome. With my new and improved daily smoky make up game, had he started to piece together what happened a week and a half ago? It was in this erratic state that I texted Todd and told him, “Dinner would be great. Off at 7:30”

Bad decision one had left our office. My preteens at work had ceased. I stared at my phone and rubbed my thighs together, waiting for a reply. I kept touching the screen so the phone wouldn’t go off. I kept looking at it like I could make him reply. Jemma had noticed my agitation, but was mistaken for the reason why.

I wasn’t worried about Enrique realizing what happened that night. Well, of course I was, but that was a future worry, not an immediate worry. Like maybe he realized I wasn’t as beautiful as he originally thought. OMG, what if he did look at my browser history. That was Jemma winding me up. I didn’t look for those thing. I mean I did look at them once she opened the pages, but…

And then my phone vibrated and a little message appeared. “Sounds great!” A minute later. “Where should I pick you up?” I felt my heart trying to beat through my ribs. Was I really going to do this, go out with this well put together adult man. A couple of months ago my love life was a punchline. Since starting working for this job, my sexual partners had doubled and my romantic prospects were getting better than my whole life before. “666 5^th Ave. Meet me in the lobby.” Oh ya, I was doing this.

The rest of he evening went fast. Jemma reminded me after clearing her throat, “It’s 7:30. Don’t you need to be somewhere?” I shut everything down and she gave me a hug with some advice, “Just relax. Don’t worry. Enjoy the evening for what it is.” And maybe that was my concern, enjoying the evening what ever it was.

A practically ran down the hall and tapped my foot all the way down the elevator ride. I came out and then realized how big the lobby was. My phone vibrated. It was a text from 5 minute ago from Todd. “By the front desk.” I was walking and reading just as he called my name. He walked over and gave me a hug like I was an old friend. I liked his arms pushing against his chest. He smelled nice. I was glad I was wearing matching underwear.

He chose a small place not far from where I worked. We talked as we walked. He said it was weird and nice to meet someone who worked as late as he did. We exchanged small talk about work as we made our way to the restaurant. We both went in early, left late and he at least felt it was only fair if he took a longer lunch, especially as he worked through other breaks. I still felt a bit guilty even if no one had said anything. The conversation meandered and by the time we arrived at our destination, I have a broad sketch of who he was. Intelligent, charming, driven. He wanted to make as much money as he could and ‘retire’ by the time he was 40. It was kind of impressive, that he had a plan. I was still fumbling around trying to figure out what I should be doing and who I was supposed to become. It wasn’t demoralizing. Quite the opposite. Hearing it from him was kind of inspiring. I wanted a plan and to retire by 40!

It was a small place. I had probably walked by it hundreds of times, but never gone in. Todd had. It was also not far from where I worked and I surmised where he did. The maitre d’ greeted him in a familiar gesture and found us a table.

It was busy and loud inside. It made me nervous. No, it made me more nervous. This wasn’t like the mixer at all. I could have said no to this. I didn’t though. That person I was supposed to become had dragged the person I was here. She wanted to find out if this was a learning experience or something else. Only once in college had someone taken me out to a restaurant, not as fancy as this. It had felt more like pretending to be grown ups. I know it sounds weird, but we were just doing what we thought was expected of us rather than something real.

I started with wine. It was either going to calm me down or push me over the top. And as the glass emptied I was OK with either out come. A chicken caesar salad was sandwiched between another glass of wine. In between questions were asked. He wanted to know more about me and I wanted to know more about his plan.

By the end of my starter come entrée Todd knew most of my academic history, my interest in single person sports and athletics, my interest in art and by extension fashion. He on the other hand knew nothing of my dating history, which could have fit in a Tweet.

By the end of my second wine I knew that Todd came from humble beginnings and excelled at Ivy league schools on scholarships. He got his MBA from Harvard after leaving the Bay Area. He mentioned if for any reason he had to leave New York, he’d return there probably to Silicon Valley. He idolized the late Steve Jobs. He has a small apartment, not far from here. Even on two glasses of wine in short succession, I got that message. He also elaborated on the basics of his freedom 40 plan though I must admit the wine had softened my brain and it was not thinking of such lofty goals.

And while it sounds like we ate and drank and had some kind of data dump, it was much more organic. My early life and education lead to his origins and education. My interest in art being fed by a high school teach lead to him talking about his drive to escape poverty. Two glasses of wine lead me to his place for a night-cap.

It would be easy to blame what happened next on the wine, but that would have been inaccurate. I had met this guy a couple of days ago and spent my formative time while we were both essentially in glorified beachwear. He had rekindled my me time. That was embarrassing to type. But he was really interested in me, so much that he tracked me down at yoga to make sure I had his number and he had mine. And I was really interested in him, so much that I had let him.

When he said he lived close by, he wasn’t kidding—maybe three and a half blocks. I had no time to get cold feet, though my open toed shoes didn’t help. The building wasn’t much on the outside, but was quite nice on the inside. I wrapped my hand into his on the elevator ride up. He looked over at me and smiled. I guess we both thought we were lucky.

The nice but nondescript hallway lead to a series of doors. We stopped at apartment 604. He took out his key, grinned, then gracefully slid it into the lock before gently wiggling it back and forth before the door popped open. He pulled me in as his hand waved over a panel by the door. The darkness gave way to muted lighting and a small but impressive space.

The floor was open. The living room, which consisted of a sectional and a couple of chips around a smiling coffee table seamlessly blended into a dining room table that seated 6. Then an island that separated the table from the end wall where the kitchen was. The outside was a series of old school windows, maybe not as impressive as wall to wall, floor to ceiling windows, but certainly would flood the place with light during the day. Also there was still a sense of privacy even with two stories of frequently spaced smaller windows.

Yes, the space was huge vertically because on the far wall was a modern floating star case that ascended to the loft. The loft that had a glass half wall and contained, from what I knew of Todd, a King sized bed.

It was tastefully if Spartanly decorated. I’d guess he worked a lot and didn’t spend a lot of time here save to sleep. Everything looked perfect and only the kitchen had any traces of being lived in. I was shown to the sofa and asked what I’d like to drink. I said surprise me, but what I really meant was I had no idea what I was doing here. Six months ago I was living in leggings and hoodies trying to pass my final exams and now I was in an affordable, but grown up dress, going out to dinner with a hot guy I just met and sitting in his bachelor pad with butterflies in my stomach. Suddenly that mystery drink couldn’t come soon enough.

Todd appeared, sans jacket, with two martinis. Not my favourite, but would not go to waste either. I took my glass and we toasted to being young or something. I started some small talk in earnest about his very nice apartment, but two sips of gin and vermouth later it wasn’t the attractive apartment I cared about. I moved my glass and behind next to him and listened to his ill-informed thoughts of the apartment. His voice was hypnotic and his scent was intoxicating.

I think the kiss on his cheek interrupted his big screen TV talk, though he didn’t seem too offended.  He offered his own mouth instead of his cheek and then we were off to the races. Our arms wrapped around each other as I was finally doing what my brain had been thinking about since I first met him filling out forms.

I had toppled him over as we made out on his Italian leather sectional. I had no freedom plan other than to tackle this gorgeous man place my lips on his. I had no problem with his hands wandering around the outside of my dress. It was when it slipped under my dress, I felt a literal line being crossed. And with his tongue in my mouth and his fingers probing my lacy panties, my phone began to ring.

Despite it being my iPhone ringing, he was the one that jumped. I reached over to look at who it was before Todd could stop me. It was Alicia. I had forgotten to tell her I was going out to ‘dinner’ tonight. She was probably worried about me and checking to see if I was OK. I felt like a busted teenager.

I took the call and stood up leaving Todd lying on the couch. I told her I was alright and that I was sorry I hadn’t told her I was going out tonight as Todd watched me with his hands behind his head. Alicia clued in and now she was the one apologizing. I wandered into a powder room I had missed and talked her and myself down.

Part of me wanted to be here. The other part knew things were going to fast. When I came out of the bathroom I told Todd I had to go home. I manufactured an emergency, which Todd was totally sympathetic about. Besides the call had ruined the mood and allowed me time to think.

Todd offered to walk m home, but I declined. I told him I’d call him tomorrow. We kissed and he walked me out to the street where I made my way home. When I got there Alicia apologized profusely before I admitted she had kind of saved me. We discussed my very complex and contradictory feelings with little resolution before going to bed.

The next day at work before Jemma could pump me for Toddformation and before I had the courage to call him, my boss summoned me into her office. I was told to book a flight for Miami for her, Nicole and myself for the end of the week. My boss dropped the severe tone to joke that it was a working vacation so pack a swimsuit.

When it rains, it pours.

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