Needless to say, my weekend was awful. I spent it commiserating with Alicia and Jemma. Have never gotten so drunk before, never will again. Blocked Todd—all of his numbers—from my phone and switchboard. Wish I could make it disappear, but just going to have to own it. Can’t even bury myself in work as most of it has already been done. My friends are sworn to secrecy, not that anyone else knew or cared. Just feels $#!++¥. But life goes on!
As I said the week was short on real work, but not short…or maybe it was. A few more people were let in on what was now happening to put finishing touches on our presentation. At this point news started to leak out. On Wednesday our party would meet our merger partners out at the restaurant where I first met them and there would be a signing between the principals. The next day would be the formal announcement and the monthly company party would end up being a happy merger party—the last company party if I understood the next steps.
As the rumours started dispersing around the office of the imminent merger, and what it meant, they didn’t really have a full picture. I, on the other hand, did. The uncertainty was mostly negative. What I had heard from Christine and Nico was that BCC would be swallowed into a Chinese company and all the current resources would be spat out. The new ‘merged’ company would basically retain the intellectual property and the two principal founders to ‘pimp’ the new clothing chain. That meant my hard work for the last few months was basically my first racket job.
I had not felt very good about this when working with Enrique, but now I think the gravity of the situation was hitting me. It was in no small part to the collapse of my romantic life that the darkness came rushing in. No amount of Enrique in stylish suits could lift that dark cloud, not that he didn’t notice or try to banish it. I couldn’t tell him why—because Enrique.
Jemma cornered me around lunch. She closed the door behind her. She had known a bit about what was happening, she was Christine’s personal assistant after all. Like most she had no idea of the extent of the changes. Unlike most, she could put one and one together. Rather than explain to her in my office—in the building—I grabbed her and we found a place to have lunch. And by lunch I mean martinis.
He asked me what exactly was happening. She knew we were in merger talks and that the other company wanted the brand and image to launch a retail clothing push. She also knew that wasn’t currently what the company did or was particularly suited for. Things didn’t add up.
After finishing a Cosmo, I switched to a real martini before confirming her synopsis and analysis. “And?!?” Even with a cocktail and a half in me I was reluctant to elucidate on the most likely course of action. I reflected on the absurdity of drinking cocktails while nibbling on a plate of shared nachos and calling it lunch. It seemed a great metaphor for my career so far.
It was only after my dear friend jokingly asked if she should be looking for a new job, that I quietly said, “probably”. And that’s when my bubbly strawberry blonde mentor put her drink down and put on a face I didn’t like to see.
“BCC as it is is a consultancy business”, I said not even looking at her. “The new entity will be more focussed on manufacturing and logistics.”
“But they’ll have to have a style or marketing department?”
“They already have their own designers and would prefer Christine and Nicole to work with outside marketing and advertisement firms.” I looked up. Jemma was concerned, but not as crushed as I seemed to be. “There really won’t be much left of the old BCC after the merger.”
Jemma reached across the table to clasp my hand. “Christie will still need an assistant won’t she.” I don’t know how she can find smiles where few exist. “At worst, I think my C.V. Is in pretty good shape, and I think I could get a personal recommendation from two celebrity socialites.” Her mirth was infectious and had me on the verge of cracking a smile. “I hope you created a job at the new company…or at least have a golden parachute”, she squeezed my hand before adding, “because with one job since college your C.V. is not going to be that impressive.”
It wasn’t said in spite, but jest. I couldn’t help but laugh with her. I mean in actuality she was right. I didn’t have a job or a parachute. OK, that’s not exactly true. There was a clause in the merge that gave certain managers—of which I was one—shares in the merged company. They are of course vested for two years, which implied that the handful of people in that group will have jobs found for them. OK, I have a late deploying parachute that only will open if I can keep a job that I don’t know about yet. I didn’t tell her any of that, but rather moved onto another drink.
We returned to the office mostly concealing our lunch choices—I think—and hid out in my office. Jemma was lying on a chair/sofa against the wall and I remember thinking how funny it was. She was the first and probably last person to every sit on that piece of furniture. No one ever came into my office. It was because I was almost always somewhere else—a meeting room, Enrique’s office, one of my boss’ offices, a foreign city… I had my feet up on the desk and was probably about to pass out when a genteel knock almost made me fall off my chair.
I swear he knows the second I’m thinking of him. Not waiting for an answer Enrique opened my door. I immediately wondered if I was missing a meeting, that my phone should have alerted me to. Apparently the golden boy of BCC had nothing better to do than hide from the rest of the company—just like us. He seemed amused about our lunch then less amused he wasn’t asked to join us.
That’s when Jemma said that I wasn’t currently seeing any boys because they were all evil. Enrique decided to exempt himself, which Jemma un-exempted him. In a few short minutes Jemma basically implied—or possible outright stated that Todd was a lying cheater and that he, Enrique, was bad because he made girl’s dreams come true only to break their hearts. Maybe the last part was as much her own situation, though it could apply to half the office—if gossip were truth.
He didn’t run away. Impressive considering the abuse he took from Jemma. Instead he decided it was best if he took us home. I, at least, had a big day tomorrow. When the car reached my building he walked me to my apartment. I was sobering up in more than one way. I can’t imagine he had very high thoughts of me after that afternoon—and I wanted him to have high thoughts of me…any thoughts of me.
Outside the door he told me he was sorry I had been hurt by Todd, though he didn’t use his name thankfully. He said I deserved better. He also told me to sleep my current condition off and to bring my A-game tomorrow. He kissed me, I think. Maybe I imagined it. Our goodbye was cut short by Alicia surprisingly opening the door. It seems I wasn’t the only one home early today.
My roommate made me some tea and then said my current state would make what she had to say a bit easier. With a cup of roibos my college friend told me some good news/bad news. She spat it out. She had gotten a job in Hollywood doing movies. Also, she’d be moving out before the end of the month.
It was a really big deal for her, but she delivered it more like bad news. I immediately leapt up and gave her a huge hug. The tears were mostly for the joy of my friend. She was going to do what she wanted and get paid well to do it. How could I not be happy for her.
She was worried with all that was happening around me that the timing couldn’t have been worse. And that’s why she’s my friend—because even though she got her dream job she’s worried about me. I guess coming home early, somewhat drunk didn’t help her worrying. I really have to work on being a better friend. But the celebration and further realization I would soon be very alone would have to wait.
I told Alicia to order some food and took a quick shower. We spent the rest of the evening chatting about everything and nothing sharing food like it was a common ritual. I realized we spent most of the time running by each other and hadn’t talked about nothing like that since we were in college. I ended up going to bed before I normally left the office.
The next day I was physically OK, but still an emotional wreck. I needed to put on my game face…if I had one of those. I just focussed on all the things from our presentation and then prepared to melt into the background like the first time I was parachuted into meeting them.
Our tiny team consisting of the two principals—Christine and Nicole—and the presenters—Enrique and me. I would have been very happy to let Enrique do all the talking, doubly so this week. But no, he wanted me to get up and take my glory or how ever he spun it. I know he was doing it for me, and I appreciated it—afterwards. Not so much on the way over to the hotel—with the hidden terrace.
And in the car we went over the last few points on how to present. My bosses thanked both Enrique and I for our hard work. When we arrived we walked across the same lobby and got the same key card. We entered the same elevator and Christine pushed the card in. We arrived at the same floor and a different, but interchangeable not-bell boy took us down the same darkened corridor emerging into the aerie cavern bathed in light from the terrace we walked towards. It was like deja-vu—no, it was similar but different like the hotel employee.
When I had first come to this secret restaurant I had been a wide-eyed naive girl with foolish dreams. Now I was less wide-eyed and certainly not naive. I had done more living in the last six months than possibly the previous 22 years. I had worked hard and been rewarded. I had loved and been betrayed. No, as I walked out into the bright light of the terrace to meet now familiar faces I wasn’t coming to take notes, I was coming to build an empire, by destroying a dream. I was well on my way to becoming jaded, and probably well compensated to do so.
The presentation was a formality, a side-show. The three women were dressed more for a party than a business meeting—the illusion already obscuring the reality of base commerce. Enrique and I ran an entertaining power point presentation without any computers. The gold pens on the table showed the forgone conclusion of the meeting. This deal had already been agreed on verbally, which I found out was as good as gold to our Chinese suitors.
A polite clap and each of the men wished to congratulate us on the presentation. And by us, I mean me. And by congratulate I mean… Actually one of them, a Japanese looking man was very cold, but polite. I had seen him at the original meeting, but not much since. He was not very attractive by any standards but he had such a striking presence. Enrique noted my interest in him. And that generated the first smile I’d had in almost a week—and I didn’t even know why.
That’s not true. Enrique had always been able to put a smile on my face. And now after toasting to celebrate the official signing of the merger his interest in my interests made me feel…something, again. Enrique was trapped by the senior partners, so I stood and casually didn’t talk to the stoic man—the only one who didn’t cop a cheap feel. He silently seemed to be just as relieved as me to not be in the self-congratulatory scrum.
I watched Enrique and wondered what would have happened had I not listened to all the ‘helpful’ advice and warnings I had been given. Might it have played out much the same? No, it might have ended in the same place, but I think the journey would have been more satisfying. Or was his attention to me because he couldn’t have me. Part of me wanted to run over and grab him, then run back to the hotel and end the tension between us. Another part of me wondered if he’d like me in a vinyl dress and a stylish wig. No, not the naive college girl any more.
I looked over at my silent conversation partner who nodded back at me. What was he thinking of? Was it as bad as my thoughts. I looked over at Enrique. What was he thinking of? I’m sure I knew what he was thinking of. I just needed to confirm it. I felt I had wasted so much time denying what had been right in front of me the whole time, so I winked at him.
He saw it, so did my silent conversation partner and my fashion godmother. The question now was what was he going to do about it. My head was going in many different directions, but my party was coming towards me. The celebration would end with an extravagant lunch, but I was only interested in dessert.
In reality my world was crumbling around me. My longest adult relationship had exploded badly. My longest friend was moving across the continent. I was celebrating what was most likely the end of the company I always wanted to work for. Soon, I’d be broke and homeless, but all I could think of was him. He sat across the table from me separated by overpriced appetizers.
My fascination with his tall slim build and his tanned boy-ish face hadn’t faded since I first saw him on this exact terrace. His dark brown eyes and wavy black hair not so much making my knees weak, but made me want to get down on them and crawl under the table to him. Maybe I was losing my mind, but free of all the things I cared about, I was finally able to be honest about what I really wanted—Enrique.
I accidentally rubbed his leg with mine—on several occasions. He’d look over at me, while I looked away with a smile. In my head I played with different scenarios on how to get out of what should have been the high point of a very short career. Different scenarios to get out with Enrique. It didn’t matter that I knew it wouldn’t solve anything. I just wanted to escape from who I was at the moment, good and bad.
And then after the main course I wanted to leave. I thought up the excuse to leave the table to go to the bathroom. I had no intention of going to the bathroom. I wanted to walk off that sunlit terrace and into the dinning room and out to the magical elevator.
As I left the bittersweet terrace I couldn’t help but look behind. My heart sped up as I saw him excuse himself. I marched through the cavernous dining room only checking over my shoulder as I nodded to the Maitre D’. He was pursuing me. I made my way down the dark corridor where I had to wait for the hotel employee to insert his card and call the car. I stood fidgeting trying not to notice him and he silently stood next to me.
I desperately wanted to say something to him, preferable witty and most likely sexy. Instead I just looked over to him and smiled.
He broke the awkward silence. “You want to go grab a drink?”
“Oh my God YES!” I wasn’t interested in the drink, OK, maybe a little, but I really wanted the company—his company.
“Hope you don’t mind room service”, he said coldly as he pulled out a room card. But why did he have a room card? Was it a perk…or had he planned it?
My idle thoughts were interrupted by him grabbing my hand then pulling me into a kiss and his embrace. I didn’t think I was going to get that drink. I wasn’t sure we were going to make it to a room in time. I ran my hand over his stubbly jaw and his pulled the small of my back into him. It was much better than the kisses in the past. I felt his other hand cradle my head as he pushed his tongue into my mouth. My untucking of his shirt was interrupted by the bell announcing we were on our room’s floor.
We peeked out and ran down the hallway like giddy teenagers. He stopped and pushed me against the door. I could feel the full weight of him—all of him—crushing me against the door. His lips landed were his hot breath had marked just at the base of my neck. I fruitlessly squirmed as he traced kisses up my sensitive neck. I was powerless against him. If he had asked me to I would have had sex with him right there in the hallway. My knees weakened as he nibbled on my earlobe. I could not stand it anymore. Apparently either could he as he effortlessly slipped his key into the lock.
He was the only thing that kept me from falling, as the door swung open. It was a huge room with an amazing view of the city—not that I saw much of that view. I sauntered over to the large inviting bed and coyly looked back at him. He had no problems walking pas the minibar to wrap his strong arms around me. I pushed his jacket off his shoulders before he misunderstood my needs. I felt his hands reach behind me as I finished pulling his shirt out of his pants. I was two buttons up his shirt when I felt him yank the zipper down on my skirt. It was tight enough that it couldn’t fall by itself. And just to make sure it didn’t I knelt down and began kissing down the skin I uncovered button by button. I’d like to say he patiently waited for me to fully uncover his hard chest, but instead he just grabbed my blouse and pulled it up over my head.
I felt his deft hands pop open my bra and I was just about to undo his pants when I was startled as I heard my name being called by Nico. She was making a toast to Enrique and I before they served desert—devil’s food cake. Seems I couldn’t even get what I wanted even in my dreams.
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