I’ll admit it, I have never been to Miami. Lived all my life on the East Coast and went to college and near been there. While everyone else was getting drunk at spring break I was home in my PJs reading a book. And now I’m going there on business and being told to bring a swimsuit. I sometimes marvel at the company I work for.

I might have neglected tell Gemma right away about me going to Miami. She seemed really pumped about it and I didn’t want to upset her. I also couldn’t think of a way to break it to her. Maybe that’s the problem being friends with people you work with, but I don’t know how not to mix business and pleasure. So I did the only reasonable thing a girl could, texted the guy I was seeing to meet me for lunch.

I was worried about that too. I scrambled from his place pretty fast with a questionable story. The reality was I was just scared and the phone call gave me just enough time to talk myself out of it. I don’t even know why I was scared. Todd and I had a great time together. He’s smart, witty, easy-going and very hot. And as everyone around me keeps saying, those exact words could be used to describe me—though I might still argue the last one. Knowing my friends, no wonder I keep losing that argument.

I stared at my phone for 5 minutes. Jemma caught on and started with the Todd teasing, which wasn’t helping with my insecurities. And then the phone started to dancing on my desk a microsecond before the ringer. It was Todd. I took my phone to go for a walk. I was feeling really guilty sitting across from Jemma. I might have felt a bit guilty fooling Todd about last night and using him to distract me from the horrible person I am for going to Miami instead of Jemma.

Even though he said there was no problems about last night I spent the better part of a hallway apologizing and generally ingratiating myself back into his good graces. I came to a full stop, including talking, after almost running into Enrique. I heard Todd call my name on my phone. I turned around and walked the other way.

I found an unoccupied office. Weird, who would number an office so high here, 685. I closed the door and resumed our pleasant conversation. The jist of it was that he had a business lunch, but was available for dinner, which I quickly took. And from that point on I was torn. Was tonight going to be a repeat of last night? I mean which last night did I want? Was it just my own insecurities worrying me that I wouldn’t live up to his expectations. I mean it’s not like I have lots of (recent) experience—in bed. Well actually, I did have some recent experience—in bed. And if not boyfriend material Enrique didn’t complain, then why should investment banker Todd. Ya, I could do this! It just meant spending my lunch buying a matching pair of underwear.

After work I hurried down to the lobby where I found my date chatting to the guy behind the security desk about football. Todd saw me immediately  and left his sports buddy and intercepted me with a hug and a continental kiss. There was still some ambivalence in our relationship apparently. I could fix that tonight, if I got the chance.

He was going to take me to another of his hidden treasures. It was a tiny Chinese place this time. Didn’t really care about the food, was more interested in wine. Luckily the conversation calmed me down more than the fermented grapes ever could. Again we effortlessly talked about one thing before switching to another. We never hit on anything controversial or divisive probably because we were on similar positions on most of the light stuff we talked about.

Two hours went by and as we left the restaurant arm in arm he joked he was hungry again. The airy conversation continued until Todd stopped and asked what the plan was. Wow, so easy to deal with. No pressure, he was giving me an opportunity to bail if I wanted. I did not want to bail. I asked for a minute to text my roommate that I’d be out late tonight—if I was lucky. Then I turned back to Todd.

“Isn’t this where you ask me back to your place for a night-cap?”

“Would you like to come back to my place for a night-cap.” He looked like a mischievous school boy before adding, “If you don’t have any emergencies planned for tonight.”

I showed him me turning off my phone. He leaned over and kissed me. Then we went for a short stroll back to his fabulous pad.

The second time I entered his apartment I was no less impressed. I noticed some little details I missed the first time. I marvelled at how sparse and minimalist the place was. It triggered that memory in my head. Tomorrow I would order a few identical dresses and start a work uniform. My admiration of his place was cut short by a stiff cocktail. Maybe he just wanted to make sure I didn’t bolt. Wouldn’t be a problem this time.

He didn’t dim the lights or put on cool jazz this time instead we just chatted like earlier until our drinks were gone. He asked if I wanted another. It would have ben nice, but instead I kissed him. He was still a bit restrained though. I needed to tell him I was ready to go, I guess I was still a bit something. Then I accidentally brush my hand across his lap. Then I knew he wasn’t tentative—I pounced.

My next kiss pushed him back. It was almost a repeat of last night, at least I hoped it would be. His hand found the small of my back and stayed there. I remembered thinking at the time ‘I didn’t waste my lunch hour getting new underwear for you to put your hand on top of my dress’. I showed him it was the real deal big tugging at his shirt while trying to remember what I had done the night of the mixer.

That thought and any other was banished as I felt him grab my bum. Then I uncontrollably began to rip his shirt open. Well not literally rip it open, it was a very nice Hugo Boss shirt. It fit him perfectly. But it looked even better off of him. His hand finally made it under my dress, or at least to where my dress had covered. His body was hard and warm and so hot. He ran his hands over my butt as I did the same to his toned chest. I wanted to do yoga with him, naked yoga.

He shrugged and then slithered out of his shirt. I wanted my skin on his. His hand and found it’s way into my new pair of panties. I’m pretty sure they were never appreciated the way I thought they’d be. I was appreciating his hand on my bum though—even if his fingers did slip between. I was enchanted my his scent. 75% Chanel No.5, 25% exercise. I won’t lie, I like the smell of a man whose done some physical work. My mind went back to a guy I had a crush in college on. Just his smell after Crossfit was enough to make me rush home and touch myself.

But tonight I wouldn’t need to masturbate. In all honesty I could have enjoyed just that make out and petting session had Todd not abandoned my lace panties and started to pull my dress up. I did an amazing one-handed push up to allow a guy I had known for only a couple of days undress me. He dropped it behind his head after he had pulled it over mine. I savoured the feel of our skin touching.

There was a brief moment where I thought are we going to do it on his sectional without a shred of guilt.

“Let’s go upstairs”, he answered my unasked question.

I knelt over on the area rug and paused to notice what I had done to him before standing up. He swung his feet over my head and bounced off the couch. We stood facing each other is a moment of calm. “I like your lingerie”, he said before grabbing my hand and running up the open stairs.

We stopped at the top of the stairs and he wrapped his strong arms around me before kissing me. They weren’t wrapped long as they roamed my almost naked body as his tongue pushed into my mouth. I have to admit I spent much more time playing World of Warcraft than practicing French kissing in high school. Not that I had anyone to do it with, kissing not WoW—I had lots of boys to do that with.

At some point as I let his tongue penetrated my mouth I felt my bra lose it supportive properties. How did he undo it without me even noticing. I, on the other hand, fumbled with his pants. I don’t know if he noticed or cared—he probably did—but that part of the night haunts me. It was only my second time! So much for practice makes perfect.

On the flip side once I finally got his pants off—MY LORD! Thinking about this moment I had all these romance novel or softcore ideas in my head, but when the moment actually came… It was a bit chaotic. My panties came off—and were never seen again. There was kissing and groping au naturel. I just wanted to get on that bed and well, you know…

Ironically he was the one who was all erotic and everything. In a strange way I guess I just wanted it to be over. Not because it wasn’t enjoyable, but because once past that thing, and if he still talked to me, the next time would be much easier…right?!?

Anyways, I could have came just as he sucked on my nipples. No boy had ever done that before, which isn’t so surprising when you’re number 3 on the list. In hindsight, that might have been his thing. Boys in college had always been staring and asking how big. How rude. Who am I kidding. Just today I caught an intern and a junior executive staring at them. I kind of expected it from the intern, but the junior executive—what was her problem?

It’s so frustrating writing this because I wanted it to be perfect, but I was so self-critical—both at the time and even now. It didn’t help that in my head I kept comparing it to my other recent encounter, which had been so much easier. Maybe I just had no expectations? Or was it I was just happy to finally get some.

By the time he crawled on top of me I couldn’t stand it any longer. In the end it was good, but all I remembered was the bad stuff. I think it’s me being overly critical and not just going with it. If Todd had any problems he didn’t share them with me. In fact he said it was great after we were finished and lying naked in his bed. Either he’s a good liar or he’s been without it longer than I have.

I snuck out after he fell asleep. I like sleeping in my own bed and not foreign ones—no matter how handsome and naked their owners are. So for the second time in under a month snuck home assuming everyone know what I had done and was judging me. I didn’t feel this way last time.

I over thought about it all the way home. Enrique had been porno easy. That night had been teen comedy awkward—for me. Was it alcohol content? Had I written of Enrique and put too much hope in Todd. The only thing I knew for sure was I would have to try better next time. And at least the one thing I was sure of was that there would be a next time.

The next day at work I finally had to break it to Jemma. She was heartbroken, for like 5 minutes and then was giving me advice and asking about what clothes I was taking. I’m really lucky to have met some really great people since starting this job. And speaking of clothes, I ordered three identical dresses for my work uniform. I got smart and had them sent to work. Jemma took me out at lunch and bought me a bikini that I’m sure would stay in my bag.

I went home ‘early’ at 6 and did last-minute packing including the present from Jemma which got an Oo-La-La from Alicia plus some ribbing about leopard print clothing. I gave my friend a hug and a kiss before running down with my carry on sized suitcase. Jemma had told me that. And then the car waiting for me wicked bye to the airport where I met up with my boss and her partner for our red-eye flight.

I’d love to tell you about the fabulous first class flight down to Florida, but Nicole kept ordering drinks. By the time we landed we teetered off the plane, through the airport and to our waiting car. I’m not sure if we were supposed to sleep on the flight, but I fell asleep on the ride over to our hotel. I was wide awake to go to the front desk and check in and to see Xavier waiting for my boss’ partner.

Christine joked, “Noon by the pool where we’ll solidify our plan and work out our livers”. At that point of sleep deprivation I wasn’t sure if that was her keen English wit or an actually outline of the day. We all went to our rooms, which were side by side. I was left with the room between the partners, which I would soon enough understand why.

Alone in my room I messaged Todd. I told him I had landed safe. I sat on the bed my case by my feet staring at the phone hoping he was still awake. Hoping he still cared. Then 5 minutes later I got a happy face emoji. I’m sure it was the fatigue, but that emoji made my day. Then I opened my case and took out my toiletries and brushed my teeth. I wanted to be with him.

Then alone in my queen sized bed I drifted off to a dreamy place. My thoughts turned to Todd and my hand turned to myself. I reimagined last night and the way it should have gone. And just as things were getting good, the noise from the couple in the room next to me overpowered my fantasy. And now I understood why Christine had taken the other room. It was very vigorous and rather long. I at the same time wanted it to stop and secretly wondered how much of the room they had destroyed. I finally fell asleep after the noises stopped.

The next morning Christine texted us. Apparently pool side lounging in the sun was a real plan. I love my job! In my haste of packing at almost midnight I had forgotten to pack my one piece swimsuit. That of course left me with the ‘novelty’ bikini Jemma had got for me. I used the oversized t-shirt/dress/cover-up to do exactly the last thing. That was after I admired myself in the mirror. Sure I wasn’t is as good a shape as when I was addicted to Crossfit, but I didn’t look that bad either. The pattern and cut made me look much more dangerous than I was. Still I had no problems coving it up.

I met my party outside our doors. My boss was as conservatively covered up as much as I was. Nicole, well her bikini barely covered anything and I’ve seen more opaque sheers than her ‘cover-up’. I also could look her or Xavier in the eyes after last night. We made our way down to the lobby and Nicole bid her boyfriend farewell. For all their banging last night they were actually very cute in the lobby. #RelationshipGoals

While they kept saying good-bye, Christine lead me to grab a continental breakfast which we took with us to the lounge chairs by the pool—the sparsely occupied pool. We ate our croissant and drank our espresso leaving Nico the same by a third lounger. My boss finished with what passed for breakfast stood up and pulled her dress off and replaced her hat in one complete practiced motion. I hadn’t seen her like this before. She was tall and skinny and had a sparkly bikini. Again I felt inadequate as she put on tanning oil.

He asks if I was going to only tan my arms and legs in that sarcastic English way. And when Nicole finally got here I’d probably want to do exactly that. Instead I gave into peer pressure and took off my cover up. Then my boss stared at me. I swear there must have been something strange behind me. But alas it was just me.

This set off a blistering set of very flattering statements and a bunch of awkward questions. Things like 32C. Yes, they are real—I’ve had them since I was 13. No, I’ve never modelled. Jemma bought me the swim suit. And strangely after the excitement died down, I was actually feeling pretty good about myself. Then Nico finally appeared.

My attempt to alert her to a cold croissant and cold coffee were interrupted by a second barrage of very flattering statements and just asked questions. It did seem weird from two women who had seen my in skin-tight dresses and one of whom had actually seen me naked. Maybe it was the tropical sun.

And while I was basking in said sun and compliments I found out that my boss had been joking about nothing. We then began talking about how we were going to tackle the Europeans and how we had to visit a photo shoot before returning back home.

The rest of the day was spent leisurely before we met for dinner. We all looked low-key glamorous—all of us. I often found a weird well of esteem or courage when I was around either of these women. Sure they had been born into wealth, but they had made their own company and built up rather than broke down other women. It didn’t hurt that they had agreed with my analysis and were going to go with my plan. Luckily I had done the proposal back in the office so no additional work was necessary for me.

I snuck in a text to Todd hoping to call him tonight. Unfortunately he was working late. He said we could talk the next night, before I came back. I masked my disappointment with a daiquiri and some girl talk that got much less uncomfortable the more Nico bought for me.

We danced afterward and spent time just hanging out. The weird thing is I almost forgot I was drinking and dancing with my bosses. It just felt like three girls out on the town, if the town was just one hotel. We called it early as we’d need to be sharp tomorrow. I’d sleep well tonight. On the way up with very loose lips I mentioned that maybe I’d be able to get some sleep with her boyfriend gone. I realized the second I said it how inappropriate it was to say. But Nico took it in the spirit it was said—in jest—and Christine broke out laughing. We all laughed back to our rooms.

My mind drifted off with a weird thought: how do I get the person I am when I’m tipsy—fierce, funny, bold—without actually getting drunk. It was a short thought consumed by sleep.

The next day was a blur. I was operating with a slight headache. I might have been a hangover (lightweight) or maybe a bit of heat stroke. I was probably a little bit of A and a little bit of B. We all looked like a sharp team presenting in front of the European Union of Benetton rather than the drunken party girls we had been last night. I seriously had to up my game if I wanted to be around these women. I imagined they did this regularly, which is why they weren’t struggling as much as I was.

In the end they liked our proposal. As usual I was the hardest person on myself. I know this because everyone else told me how well I had done and for the first time I really felt it—long after the words faded. And it was a good thing too.

Shortly after the meeting  We got frenzied phone calls. Apparently the photo shoot wasn’t the next day, it was the same day. There had been a mix up having to do with times and continents and the photographer was only available today and was waiting without a model. We scrambled from the meeting to the idle studio.

When we got there the supposedly ornery photographer was in good spirits. We on the other hand were freaking out. Ok, I was freaking out. I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I had to find a way of fixing it. Christine explained the mix up to him as I scrambled to see if the model was even in town. She wasn’t. Somewhere over the Atlantic was my answer to where. Then the older gentleman just casually asked why he didn’t just use one of us. And by one of us he meant me. I know this because all eyes were on me.

So apparently the only way I could save the day was to take the place of an international supermodel. I was about to look for a hidden camera like on those Just For Laughs gags. I didn’t. I didn’t have time because Nico hustled me to costumes as some other woman stripped then painted my face with Nico directing her. It’s a good thing I wasn’t given a choice in the matter.

Nico picked clothing that I could put on without destroying my hair of face. With so much on the line I didn’t worry about getting naked and then laced up into a corset or pulling on a pair of semi-sheer panties. I savoured exactly zero moments of that whirlwind three hours. I joked that I looked like a Diet Dominatrix with the fuchsia corset, black panties and something resembling my smoky makeup. “Baby Domme”, Nico corrected me to the amusement for the very entertained camera man.

After the shoot ended I felt very powerful. Not because people thought I looked sexy, which was nice to hear surrounded by ex-models and a guy who drowns in them. No, this power came from suppressing my fears and jumping into the deep end. I had done something I would have never done if left to my own devices. And maybe Elite Models wouldn’t be signing me to a contract, but I had done it pretty damn well all things considered. I couldn’t wait to talk to Todd tonight, er, in a few hours.

The photog gave me a digital shot to keep as a memento. I knew what to do with that. We made our way back to the hotel and I declined a repeat of the night before. I instead went up to my room and showered washing my face and hair before coming out and sending the pic to Todd. I added the cheeky, “Add what did you do today?” caption. The pic got an immediate response. “Call you in 15.”

I wandered around the room giddy as a school girl. That’s actually a weird description. And 14 minutes later he called. He asked how I was and how things were going. I heard a door close behind him. He hadn’t even waited to get home to call me. Squee! Then in between all the other small questions he slipped in,

“Are you still wearing it?”

“No, sorry. I’m naked now.” I don’t know where that came from. Actually I do. It came from today. I wanted to be next to him, the way I was now. No script, just openness. I touched myself as I listened to his voice. I was getting bold—thousands of mils away from him.

The chat was laced with innuendo and I imagined he was doing something similar as I was. I climbed into bed naked and shut the lights off to his voice. At one point I went quiet and he asked what I was doing. I told him with the honesty of being drunk—without the drink. I wanted to erased the previous night even though he told me he liked it. His recollection of that night was much better than I remembered. I quietly came to his version—many times.

He said he had to go and quickly we wound it up and hung up. I wanted to be with him again. This time I’d do it right.

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