And as promised Amber crashed into my life again. Between work and her I haven’t had much time for anything else. Especially after Jemma met her. So since then we’ve been going out every night. Also, Todd finally remembered how to return text/calls/etc. I had to put him on pause as I remembered the creative chaos of my out-of-town friend.

And back at our small two bedroom apartment Amber was crashing on the couch. Alicia knew Amber, I wouldn’t have had her stay if it hadn’t been OK with my roommate. A long with staying up late drinking, I found out some interesting habits of my college friend. Like how she likes to sleep in the nude. Not a prude, but having an ex-model lying around, or worse just wandering around naked as the day she was born was not good for either Alicia’s or my self-esteem. She wasn’t showing off or rubbing it in our faces, but all of a sudden I just stopped adding sugar to my coffee and skipped the bagel. I really need to start Cross-Fit again.

Luckily it wasn’t all just drunken self-depreciation. At work I was having to spend a lot of time around Enrique. My discomfort around him was my own fault. He had been nothing but professional on our trip to London. No, that’s not true. He had been a perfect gentleman up to and including a personal whirlwind tour of the city. He had been a perfect gentleman up to and after I kissed him. It was that guilt that had me playing phone rage with Todd.

One day Amber met me and Jemma for lunch. She turned a few heads walking through the office. I was just finishing something up so she went and hung out with Jemma. By the time I found my lunch dates, Enrique and Nico had joined the pair. As I pried them away from my co-worker and boss, I joked that Amber had some admirers. I was over my negative self image—OK, it was down to a manageable level. Jemma commented that Enrique seemed very into her. Amber and I laughed, which caught Jemma off guard. I looked at my friend then getting the don’t care shrug, told Jemma that only one of those persons was of interest to Amber, and it wasn’t the hot guy I was obsessed with still. OK, I left out the last part.

And then it dawned on Jemma. I know Amber is very out, but her appearance as a very girly girl is often not what people expect when they find out. And to be quite honest, I really should have been more careful. I never thought that Jemma would react negatively to finding out my friend was a lesbian. I realized I had been far more reckless than Amber ever had been. There was a tense 2 seconds as my co-worker processed and did the math. It was punctuated with an “Oh!” It was not judgemental and followed by a quick smile. Thank God I have a good judge of character, for friends at least.

Jemma then joked that it was great since they wouldn’t be fighting over a boy, which Amber found funny for some reason. Jemma later added the other persona having around them when I picked them up might consider Amber a person of interest. She said it dead pan. My blonde houseguest raised an eyebrow and then all talk of interoffice hook-ups was banished as we drank our lunches in a patio wearing sunglasses.

I cut out early from work meaning I left around 7—thirty-ish. I left everything at work just to join my friends for drinks and dancing. Amber had been a real friend in college. We joked she had the same courses in just a slightly different arrangement. We crossed paths early and she took a liking to me—as a friend. While the rest of us were working part-time retail to help pay for school, she was getting paid good money for modelling. It would have been easy to be resentful of her if she wasn’t just such a nice person. I don’t just mean nice to be around, which she is. I mean the little things like paying for pizza or picking up the tab or the cab fare. Some times it was the difference between eating and well, eating microwave mac and cheese. It wasn’t just that she was generous with her money, but her time. I swear she guilted me into volunteering quite a few times. And despite turning heads overtime she walked into a room, she made me feel like I was the most important person in any room I walked into.

By the time I found out, in a rather demanding way, that she was gay, I just didn’t care. She’d never come on to me and been nothing but a friend. It’s really only through her that I started to see my own potential. I was inspired to apply for the internship at my current employer because of her encouragement, even if she was in Australia at the time. So having a naked Greek goddess wandering around my apartment was a small price to pay for such a good friend.

But that night she was a bad friend! It was a work night and we stayed up far too late, danced too much and drank…OMG! I don’t think I’ve drank that much since…ever. We dragged Jemma back with us stumbling the whole way. We thought it would be safer for her bringing her back to our tiny apartment?!? Ya, we totally did not think that out. When we got back we realized there was a sofa and two beds, but four people. Amber said Jemma could sleep on the sofa with her. Jemma declined. Amber joked she wouldn’t put any moves on her. Jemma joked she couldn’t guarantee the same. We all laughed, but in hindsight I’m not sure why. In stead Jemma shared my double bed. I’m not sure why they call it a double since it barely fits one person, but… And that’s when I had my next significant dream involving him.

From my alcoholic REM I was in Todd’s apartment. It was familiar and yet kind of different. He asked if I was into something different. It had been over a week since I had seen him. I was eager and said yes. We skipped drinks and he took me up the stairs. They seemed widening and longer. I was wondering what ’something different’ was at the top of the stairs. I didn’t now what to expect. I sure didn’t expect that!

Todd explained he had met him at a business meeting. It was strange because there was no business that the two of them would ever need to meet about. I think I realized I was dreaming at this point. If my boyfriend brought me up to his bedroom for ’something different’ and sitting on his bed was my hot co-worker, I’m pretty sure I would have freaked out. There was a little moment of, how did he know, but it was far too little.

Todd then “introduced” me to Enrique. Enrique pretended that this was the first time meeting me. I remember being a bit disappointed, but thought better of pointing out ro everyone that Enrique and I had already slept together. There was the strange feeling when you both known and don’t know what is about to happen. I mean I knew what two men in a bedroom implied, but my conscious mind—er, unconscious/dreaming mind—just went with the flow.

Todd said we should sit down and get to know each other. I definitely thought at the time that I already knew quite a lot about both of them. I sat down between them as directed. They each grabbed a hand, apparently the getting to know each other wasn’t going to be verbal.

They each started to kiss my hand and work their way up my arms. At no point did I think that it was wrong that two men were competing for my attention with kisses. A man I had one night stand with and my boyfriend. At no point did I think it was strange my boyfriend was good with this. Nope, he seemed OK with it, so I was good with it.

Then the real kissing started. Enrique started it. Was it because he was the first and last one I had kissed. Well this time there was no guilt, just passion. I felt my boyfriend’s hands on me. He was pawing me through a sundress that I had when I was like 18. Funny, I had always called it my lucky dress. It was long gone in the real world, but pristine in the dream. Also in the dream the strap was falling off, helped by my boyfriend’s hand. He reached into the top of my dress to grab my boob as he took over kissing from my obsession.

I have never fantasized about being with two guys. I’ve never fantasized about more than one person at a time. That being said, two sets of hands roaming over my body was very hot. As Todd kissed and groped above the belt, I felt another hand slide up my leg and under the light dress. There was no ambiguity, it went right into my panties. They switched.

I was kissing Enrique again with his hand in my underwear. His hand found my soft wet spot as my boyfriend pulled on my nipple. Not content to just be a toy to be passed around my hands found their way into each of their pants. Now I was an equal partner in this threesome, stroking them as they groped me.

Todd broke off the kiss to start pulling up my dress. As I stood up Enrique pulled my panties down. They stripped me naked in seconds. Todd told me to dance for them, so I did. IRL I’m not a great dancer, but in that dream I was stripper supreme. Todd enjoyed watching me give his new friend a lap dance, almost as much as I enjoyed giving it to his new friend. In the dream I was aware there was two penises in front of me. I wasn’t anxious or scared, I was looking at them longingly. The both kissed and caressed me.

I remember my boyfriend being polite to our guest. I was perpendicular to both of them. My head was in Todd’s lap. I didn’t need an invitation to go down on my boyfriend. Enrique had already been given an invitation to have sex with me. He took it.

Todd seemed to enjoy both the oral sex I was giving him and watching his new BFF give it to me. I’m blushing as I type this, but all I remember was enjoying being between them. I’d like to say that I’m not that kind of girl, but apparently in my dreams, I am that kind of girl.

And then in a dreamland transition, everyone was naked and on the bed. My face was in Enrique’s lap and my boyfriend was doing me from behind. The two things that really stand out about that part of he dream in particular was: 1) how much I was into being between two hot guys, and 2) how much of a bromance was going on between them as I put both of them to good use.

I remember sitting on Todd and taking Enrique in my mouth. Not only was I having sex with two guys, but as he encounter went on, I took more and more control of it. I was kissing Enrique when my boyfriend shot inside me. My co-worker splattered me across my chest shortly after.

Then next thing I remember was someone telling me I needed to get up and go to work. When I sat up I was in Enrique’s apartment alone. The person telling me I needed to get up was my boss Nico. It was that moment when you realized all the stuff that just happened was a dream. I didn’t have time to be disappointed, I had my boss naked telling me it was time to go to work. Nope, not weird at all.

Then I saw Amber above me. Jemma was quickly surveying my closet. It must have been my friend telling me I had to get up. She commented that it must have been some dream. I was worried what I might have said if anything. She was just joking and seemed to not know how much it ‘must have been’.

Jemma and I scrambled into work before everyone else, but late for us. Enrique came by my office, but I had a hard time looking him in the face. I couldn’t stop thinking about my sexy time dream. When he disappeared, I called Todd and set up a lunch date. We finally connected after ten days. He didn’t ask about the trip. He didn’t seem to worry that we hadn’t been together in a week and a half. I still went home with him that night. It wasn’t as good as the dream.

<<– Read previous journal entry #13          Read next journal entry #15 –>>